Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Its just me.

The first time ever, that I felt so lonely.

The first time ever, that I felt so ditched out.

The first time ever, that I felt like washing myself out the drain.

I lost a rice cooker. I lost a friend ( which doesn't really matter.)

I lost faith in someone, who I thought were the one, that I can always count on.

I'm not blaming you for being hypocrite.

I'm not blaming you for treating me like shit.

I'm not blaming you for making my life difficult.

All the you(s) that were there for me, I feel blessed, and thankful for having you in my life. To make me stronger. To realized what am I here for.

You see me as a person that is weird.

You see me as someone that is full of her self.

You want to see me fall right on my face.

Thanks a lot. Again for making my life not so boring after all. Laughter, 2-faced smiles. My tears.

I bet you're happy.

Seeing me so pathetic.

Seeing me so negative.

Seeing me as a big head loser like this.

I can reach the for sky. or I can just stay and not to move a muscle. But I am not here to be moulded by you. No, no no. I will say whatever I want to say. I have beliefs. I'm holding on to a faith. A religion.

And as for this moment, I'm being tested. This is not the first time. The feeling is different. I can only wonder if you know what am I blabbing about.

Ramadhan. Ramadhan. As I'm fasting, please help me fast from having any feelings. I don't need them at the moment. Distract me from being so emotional. I was never like this. and nor I want to be one. Its taking too much of my time. My concentration.

My dignity.

"If I bake you an ice cream cake, would you taste it and give me a big loving smile...?"


mardhiah said...

hey hey what happened?

you're NOT weird!
you're just different

Bibi-Aisha said...

Being different is good. I'm making dua it all gets better, and I'm looking forward to reading a more cheerful post:-)

Misz Mizah said...

Why la so sedih~ x seronok la like this.. smile nadia smile