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Monday, September 10, 2007

The imperfection.

I should be going to sleep by now. I can pass out even just to say another word. I did not slept for the past 2 days. At all.

Still, I hanvt finished 2 more compisition taht Kokubu sensei gave me last week. Yet, i got 3 more works today to send in by tomorrow.

Things are pressuring me very hard. Why cant I just blow up? just to release all this mental pain. I don't feel like telling anybody about it but my mom, as I prefer to write here. In this square-box of mine.
You can tell me everything that you want to say. But, nothing of that, things that I want to hear. I cant be move by words. Weather I'm just pure lazy or very-very hurt. I hate the fact that you are moulding me, my life, my thoughts. You're no god.

Or, shall I say, you. in fact, didn't do anything at all. I really appreciate you, trying to help me. Trying to show me that you cared. But it all seems so invisible to me, somehow. That it doesn't make any sense.

Skip this part of me if you're not ready for it. I'm not here to be what you want to see. Let me have my pace. and enjoying my space. If I'm not one of you, I guess I'm not that so perfect after all.
Let me disappear. To go back, to where i belong.
as I miss home so much.
that its hurting me. and
its carving my hard so violently.
as I cried, I'm hating myself for this insecurity.

I'm here to face the test. and this just another phase of it.

Give me Your guidance.. for me to pursue this little journey.

1 comment:

Bibi-Aisha said...

I can only make dua you feel better soon. Hang in there!