Friday, October 03, 2014

Meanings at 26.

We seek appreciation from strangers. As if all of our emotions and actions depends on them. On what they perceive  what we should be, acording to their personal needs. On what they feel like saying, how they would act to our say and decisions. 

We expect them to react to our own assumption. We crave for that acknowledgment. To feel belonged, to be a part of them, to be accepted. We try so hard to be understood, too hard, and fail miserably most of the time. 

Once we're no longer relevant. Once, they give us the cold shoulder, and treat us with less respect and dignity, our life shattered into pieces of broken soul and we desperately try to look for a reason; something, someone to blame. 

Life, is how you control your emotions. Pull yourself together and stop hanging on that delusional rope from those strangers that you think will make you whole. They won't. Most won't be there for you. Most won't even care, to give a second look at how you're really doing. 

Would they be bothered to ask..

How was your day?
How have you been? 
How do you feel?
Anything bothering you?
Anything I can help you with?
Are you alright?
Are you hurt? Where does it hurt?
Do you need a hug? 

Would they be bothered to say...

I'm here for you if you need anything.
It's okay. Everything will be alright.
You mean so much to me. I'm thankful to have you in my life.
I'm proud of you.
Happy Birthday. 

So it's a "Yes" or a "No" for you?

Once you accept yourself; your flaws, your past, your status, your background, your car, your house, your family.. Then there's not even an inch of requirement for you to feel like you're being left out, for you to want those strangers' words of  acknowledgement, and their approval for what you feel. 

Because you have already accepted yourself. 

Before you you even demand for someone to ask you those questions, and expect someone to show you how much they care, have you asked someone today..?

How was your day?
How have you been? 
How do you feel?
Anything bothering you?
Anything I can help you with?
Are you alright?
Are you hurt? Where does it hurt?
Do you need a hug? 

Have you said to someone..

I'm here for you if you need anything.
It's okay. Everything will be alright.
You mean so much to me. I'm thankful to have you in my life.
I'm proud of you.
Happy Birthday. 

Stop expecting. Start doing. 

If everyone is like us, and we're like them, then we'll be deserted human beings in wasted in emotions we shouldn't be feeling in the first place. 

Thank you for calling me. asking me how I've been.
Thank you for texting me, letting me know that you've remembered me.
Thank you for seeing me, and spend a bit of your time with me, knowing that I'm still worth hanging out with.
Thank you for great words of wisdom, giving me a sense of courage and hope.

Thank you for saying, "Happy Birthday", it means as much as the world to me.

Thanks Herline, for the cute photo. ;)

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Testimony of Faith (Umrah Ziarah Madinah 1)


It was a rather calm, 2:30am airport with all sorts of men wearing their ihram in white.

I see creepy people everywhere. I cringed. 

But in an instance, my mom's word of wisdom came slapping me.

"They believe in Allah, just like you." 


Seriously, I could swear there's this lady that exactly looks like the old witch in Snow White. =_="


Soon after that when I realized I couldn't find my envelope that contained SR1500 (= around RM1450). Nope, not found until now. Took out 400 riyal from mom's Al-Rajhi bank account and one of us get 100 each instead. Better than not having any.

To my amazement, 1.5 litre of water cost about 10riyal.. or maybe because I bought it in the middle of nowhere on our way to Madinah from Jeddah. Nearly 6 hours of bus ride reminded me of my bus trip from Los Angeles to Arizona when I travelled to The States about 2 years ago. Long desert road, with sun shining straight inside the bus, but bone chilling air as soon as you step out. 

Yes, I slept all the way. It was much more comfortable than the 6 hours flight from Dhaka, Bangladesh to Jeddah. Seriously.

Don't fly your own airline next time, United Airway. No wonder MAS always wins the best hospitality award. Though we should be thankful that both gets us where we want to go. *^^* astaghfirullah. 


We're staying at this place called Elyas where we share a room of 4 people and they provide us with breakfast, lunch, and dinner Alhamdulillah. The catering guy is an Indonesian and he said he's been here for about 3 years now. He's pretty much amazed that I'm a 25 years old and still not married. Lol. I told him I'm busy working as orang minyak, and he said, "Petamina??". Iya ngak lah. Hehe

Masjid Al-Nabawi

Since we arrived on a Friday, the guys went for solat Jumaat, which I think I should have followed them. The thing was, I have no idea where to go. Where's the masjid?? I couldn't find any map anywhere and the place was basically stranded since all the men left for prayers. 

By the sound of the adzan, it should be on the left side of the hotel. Little did I know that Masjid Nabawi is a super huge long stretch of a masjid, and I was facing the opposite side looking for it. As soon as turn to my right, I was awed by how magnificently beautiful the masjid is. MasyaAllah... =,)

They had the giant umbrella opened at that time after Zohor, and the sun rays was piercing through the gaps between them and people were sitting around at the courtyard outside of the masjid enjoying the cool breeze in the middle of the desert.

My first impression was, this place is extremely beautiful and CLEAN!

The cleaning ladies work non-stop since I was there at 1pm until 11pm. They vacuumed, mopped, took rounds of picking up small rubbish here and there, wiped the doors, sanitized the ablution area with Dettol! and of course, the toilets are super clean thanks to them. They kept the drinking area dry and top-up new zam-zam water with new cups. Word of the day should be CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN.

Even the men was wiping the gates when I exited the masjid. 

Oh. Most of the workers are Indonesian by the way. I salute them much for such a dedication to preserve the Prophet's Masjid. He was the best role model for cleanliness and they sure made him proud.


When they said you can't bring in handphones inside the Masjid, I guess it's not true.

Handphones are everywhere. They'll have your bag checked, but that's it. Don't go around taking photos like a tourist though. You're there to make your prayers and do'a.

Keep them in silent mode. That should be easy, but talk outside if you have to use them. Especially when you're talking in a foreign language, it's really annoying (at least to me, or I'll try to think that you're having a life-family crisis and I'll sympathize with you).=P

Solat Janazah

After each prayers, they'll have Solat Jenazah for those who passed away near the masjid. I was pretty much puzzled at first since they only did 4 takbir with one salam. Haha. Noob. I don't even memorize the Doa for that prayer, so I ended up only doing the takbir and salawat after the first takbir. 
It felt awkward. -_-, many I see didn't know that you only give a Salam once to your right. Not to your left. An Arabic lady told me that when she saw me giving Salam to my left. Ahaha. She also mentioned that you get a space of Jabr Uhud everytime you pray for the janazah.
Imagine to be doing it 5 times a day in Madinah!


The visiting time to Raudah for the ladies is after Zohor and after Isyak. I didn't know that until I walked back all the way to the lodging place, and the rest of the group asked me if I wanted to go. I was exhausted but I couldn't get into my room since I don't have the keys. I had no choice but to follow. Haha. No lah.

It seems like there's 3 stages of waiting ( this only applies to the women since the men can visit Raudhah 24 hours round).

1. Before entering the masjid.
2. Before entering Raudhah.
3. Inside Raudhah itself.

I thought I was already in Raudhah when I reached the middle entrance of the masjid. I was like, "Hey, I can even read Yasin and no one is stepping on my head. I guess some people need to plan their time to enter this place,". Man, I was wrong. After an hour or so, I decided to leave when I saw a huge crowd of 200-300 people gathering at another entrance which soon I realized, was the REAL RAUDHAH. That is where the start of the pushing war begun. 

There was a pool of Indonesian group sitting patiently waiting for their turn, and then came a wave of ladies in all black I believe to be a majority of non-Arabs swooshing the small ladies over and ran fanatically to the main entrance. Uh-oh. 

This is the stage 2 of waiting that I missed.

Once the previous group inside Raudhah is done, then they'll release this group from outside to pray inside the Raudhah. The thing is, people are pushing real hard and the Indonesians thought that I was one of them!! They told me to wait with them inside, at the back of the Raudhah, and let the others pray. The trick is to wait for them until they're done and quickly pick a spot right before they release another group from the outside. 

Ouch. That wasn't easy either.

You know why? Because everyone wants to pray on the GREEN CARPET. That is the "it" place to pray and the green area can only fit less than 10 saf, like a small surau. 300 people coming in at once and you think you can pray without anyone bumping into you, stepping on your head, or finding yourself inside someone else's clothes, think again. I had to pray twice because I couldn't do my last sujud since there's this lady who stand right in front of me and someone behind me is already stepping on my clothes. I WAS STUCK. 

I had to break my prayer, and leave for a spot right behind a guard stool near a small wall. I managed to get my 2 rakaats done, and before I got up from my extra sujud, someone sat on my head. I can't believe one day some stranger would be SITTING ON MY HEAD. 

Haha. Ouh well. I'm content on my own terms. 

InsyaAllah I'll visit Raudhah again, and try not having anyone step or sit on me. 

That was a whole first day. InsyaAllah I'll update more soon. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Snorkeling in Perhentian

Assalamualaikum everyone!

I had a wonderful raya weekend though I didn't go back to KL to continue the celebration with my family. 

Since a really really good friend is leaving for KL for a transfer, they've decided to have a get-away trip to Perhentian. The last time I went there was in July 2011 with a Korean lady I met on the bus on my way back home from the airport. (Before Perhentian + In Perhentian post)

Paid RM250 for return transportation Kerteh-Besut with my car, boat Perhentian-Jeti Besut (around RM70), one night stay in Ombak (room of 4, or 2), breakfast at Ombak, Snorkeling trip by Ombak (RM35 like that), and underwater camera rent (RM100 per group if I'm not mistaken). All in all, it was worth it!

This time, since we're already in Terengganu, we had to drive from Kerteh the night before at around 9:30pm and stayed overnight in Kuala Terengganu at another friend's family place. While another group departs from Kerteh at 3:00am the next morning to catch the boat from Jeti Besut at 9:00am.

On Friday, we woke up at 5:00am and went to pray Subuh at the nearby Masjid on the way to Besut. I was shocked to see that the huge Masjid's parking spot was nearly full!

There were about 90 ladies there with 6 saf, what more the men?

Since we have to catch the boat, we used the highway to the Jeti Pulau Perhentian in Besut. Drove so fast, thank goodness it was really in the morning and there were no cars on the road. Just probably few along the way.

Had nasi lemak (a must!) before departing, and make sure to get a big bottle or two of mineral water at the Jeti Besut. Since we went to the small island, there's not many shops there and a bottle could cost you triple the price.

We were told that the boat should only fit 13 passengers, and their names should be listed properly and signed by the officer at the exit. 

I guess not.

The driver 'singgah' somewhere and picked another 4-5 locals, and went to the other end of the jeti to pick up 3 more of our friends who did not make it in the "13 list". 

The boat was definitely too fast as if it was about to fly off, and the non-13 list passengers did not have their life vest on. So much for HSE (Health, Safety and Environment).

Oh well, we survived the 30+ mins boat ride to the island and went to Ombak Chalet. 

Since check-in is at 3pm, we changed, and went straight for snorkeling.

It was a tremendously amazing!! Enjoyed it so much!!

It took me 2 years to go do it again, and now I just can't wait another 2 months to go to Redang in October!  

The last time I went, I can only float, and I panicked because a lot of sea water got into my googles and I couldn't see much.

This time around, thanks to that weekly swimming session in KGRP (Kelab Golf Rantau Petronas) in front of my office, I could actually swim and dive into the sea without any equipments (though I hold on to my life-vest just incase the tide gets stronger which it did and I had to hold on to my friends who was wearing them). Plus, the googles Ombak provided us was simply tip-top quality.

Went straight down to the turtle (penyu) on the sea-bed and almost die of pressure and loss of breath. Haha. 

Too bad the photographer pressed "OFF" instead of the shooting button, and I was too tired to go back into the sea-bed for another photo. (It will be my own story of failure and I will remember you Mr. Turtle. When I come back again, I promise I'd hold my breath for at least 1 minute. I'll practice okay? ;) At least I managed to get a photo when Mr. Turtle went up for air. Good enough I guess. 

Lot's of success story this time around.

I was super close to a huge leopard-skin eel, and the sharks! 

I only swam around the tower last time. Though I had a great time playing around feeding the fishes, I thought I must give it a go. A jump.

This time around. I must.

I am scared of heights, my heart was going to explode and even though they've counted until 3 and I was ready to jump, I just went back in and sat on the cliff. 

"Impossible. This is too scary"

"But wait. Going down by the stairs is much more 'memalukan', I rather jump"

I cursed. I did.

So, I finally jumped. 

"Hey, that was FUN!!"

I went back for another jump. Hahaha. Oh Nadiah... ^^"

So that was rather a short story from my snorkeling experience and I'm glad I overcome all my fears this time. 

Not in my life I've jump from that height, swim that deep below, and kept my breath that long.

I guess every trip will change you somehow. 

To be honest, I was not close with this group of people that I went with. Some I never talked to, never knew their names, and those that I was really scared of because they had a creepy look in their eyes like they're going to eat me alive. (The girl that were supposed to go for us to celebrate had to cancel last minute). I thought that I'd be going for my worst get-away ever.

Now I see them in the office, I'd be like, "Hey dude!! Hey womaaaannn!!" making daily-life at the office means so much more knowing how crazy we've become with each other.

Ah.. I'm blessed.

*Oh, the last time I said that aboutmy new founded awesome-office-mate-friend, we had a 3rd World War for nearly 4 months. har-har. 

More photos of the trip can be seen here (Facebook Album).

Signing out with love for everyone. 

Selamat Hari Raya. 

Assalamualaikum. <3 font="">

*Oh hey. I haven't told you how my Raya went. XD 
We'll see la when I'm rajin kayh. We literally had a *blast*.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

The best saying I've ever came across on a bad day.

"If that day comes [when] a clash is apparent between your personal interests and economic activities on the one hand, and my Islamic work on the other, and that I find my married life is standing in the way of Da'wah and the establishment of an Islamic state, then, each of us should go our own way. 
I cannot ask you today to share with me this struggle, but it is my right on you not to stop me from jihad in the way of Allah. Moreover, you should not ask me about my activities with other Mujahideen, and let trust be full between us. 
A full trust between a man and a woman, a woman who, at the age of 18, gave her full life to Allah and Da'wah. 
In the event of any clash between the marriage contract's interest and that of Da'wah, our marriage will end, but Da'wah will always remain rooted in me."

- (Zainab al Ghazali, 2006)

Zainab Al Ghazali was not any usual Muslim leader who was famous for her motto, strategy or any other peculiar perspective. No! Actually, she belongs to the Islamic world in a greater dimension.
Zainab Al Ghazali was that Mujahidah of Ummah who was bestowed by Allah the vision of Prophet Muhammad (Salallah Allihi Wasalam) four times in dream and was offered the blessings by the prophet.
It was Zainab Al Ghazali who challenged the Pharaoh of twentieth century and started
Dawah of Islam and its Shariah by summing all her courage and dedication and inturn got the severe heartrending and tremendous tortures from suppressors but the point of mention will remain that suchtortures did not hamper her from keeping the missionary thought, expression, stand and the work and she continued Haqooqulah (duties towards people) as well as the Haqooqul Ibad (duties of worship). For her exemplary devotion and tolerance she would be remembered till doomsday.
The service she has done to Islam cannot be described under any single title only. Herself, shewas not a fellow but a great Islamic Movement. It is very unfortunate that our youngsters have forgotten their predecessors of Islam. To do justice with the contributions of this great Mujahidah a comprehensive book is needed.


"Hari -hari Dalam Hidupku" in Malay and "Return of The Pharaoh" in English.
 Born on Jan, 2, 1917, in Egyptian village Manyate Umer, her father was a farmer and a religious person, who died when Zainab was only 11. But the guidance and fatherhood of her father hadleft deep and nonperishable impacts on Zainab. The translator of the book Khalil Ahmad Hamidi, in the preface of the book, reveals that Zainab had herself narrated that how her father would tellher the tales and events of the great Islamic women (Sahaabiyat) in an impact making manner. In the agro society, in the lap of the families with values, religious traditions and with impact fromthe spiritual guidance of her father, Zainab entered the field of maturity and understanding at the age of 18. In 1938 she founded Jameyate Sayedate Muslimaat, an organization of the Muslimwomen. For the features, activities and the strategy of this organization she chose Hazrate Nusaibah (RA) as her ideal.

You can read the rest from here.
InsyaAllah I'm going to finish the book by this weekend. Though there's open houses, sisters walimah, sisters gathering, I found myself stuck in a situation where I can't say NO.
InsyaAllah I'll make the best out of it.
InsyaAllah, He'll take care of me like He did for Zainab.