Wednesday, July 25, 2012


I must not succumb to...
my sickness.

First day of Ramadhan, I couldn't wake up for Sahur. Arrived from Miri at nearly 2am that morning, I guess I'm just experiencing the lack of sleep I've been having after 5 days of ProjekKalsom. I was wrong, I couldn't wake up at all.

All my sujud that I made feels like torture. My head is beaming with pain, and my body keeps on getting shocks as if someone had kicked me. 

I still went to the Masjid to pray tarawih. First 2 rakaat... then rest for a while, and read the quran. Continue with another 2 rakaat, and rest, until I completed 8, and end it with Witr together with the imam. Thank Allah Masjid Wilayah have 21 rakaats, so I can take my own sweet time. Did you know that the word Taraweeh is the plural of the word Tarweeha which literally means 'to rest'. So, yeah, I was literally, 'bersenang-senang'.

Only after 2 days of head-pain, and continuous coughing I decided to go to the hospital. I was surprised when the doctor said I should have come in earlier. She said I am having a high-fever, and my body temperature on the 3rd day is nearly 39 deg. It must have been higher on the first 2 days, near to 40 and 41 which is dangerous. No wonder I couldn't really sleep the day before since my body was really aching all over. 

As much as I want to get up and do something, my legs aren't able to withstand long enough and my headache gets worst. Food becomes tasteless and having them down my throat is simply unbearable.  All I can do everyday now is read the quran, facebook-ing, and youtube-ing on the couch. Completely useless, and helpless. 

The reason I'm writing this post is not to tell you how sick I am right now.  But to tell you that my heart aches more than this pain my body is experiencing.

I received a text from a friend, telling me that my best friend's mom is in the ICU.
"They'll pull the plug in the morning. Doa banyak2 jom"

If I hadn't been facebooking, and youtubing, I might have been in extreme shock.  But instead, I said my prayers, and if it's time for her to leave, then may Allah take her in a good way.


I see dead people everyday, every time I check the news on Syria, women and children brutally murdered. Massacre of Rohingyas in Myanmar. Helpless Palestinians. Ethiopians and Somalis in extreme hunger. 

"Even Myanmar's so-called democracy icon Aung San Suu Kyi has kept quiet on the atrocities committed against the Rohingya Muslims"

Why? Because my brothers and sisters are Muslims. Even though they're not people I personally know in my life, but my heart is with them, and it's hurting really bad.

My feeling just cannot deal with it. It's too complicated. I cry like a baby. Every time I see the news.  It's just too painful for me to see, and I cannot stop it from happening. Yes, everyone will eventually face death and when there's just too much of it, one will start questioning the real purpose of life. 

Life is too fragile, and what you fight for, determines who you are. 

All living soul will die. It just in a matter of time, and event. 

Reality Check
I'd put myself in your shoes my friend. I've cried as if I lost mine. The pain of losing one's mother is really hard to imagine, but I never fail to think of what I'd do 

"when my mom passed away"
I'd be glad I had the chance to say my goodbye and ask for forgiveness from you before you left. 

I'd be crying hard tonight reminiscing our good times together, and how I can't hear your voice anymore calling my name when you needed me. 

I'd be the best daughter that you prayed for so that I can pray for your well-being in the here-after. I am, your treasure that you've left behind so I can be useful for you.

I'd make your life worth it, because you had me.

To my dearest Hamizah Omar

I'm sorry I can't be there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on. I'm sorry I never had the chance to pay her a visit.

You should cry your heart out, and let it go. Let her go in peace. I know she must be proud of you.
I hope you'd told her how much you love her. Pray for her. Pray that Allah forgives her. Only the prayer of a pious child will be brought to her. InsyaAllah she'll be fine.

I will remember her in my prayers. She was a really kind person, never fails to ajak I makan everytime I'm at your place.

I love you Hamizah Omar. Please take care of yourself.