Its just me.

The first time ever, that I felt so lonely.

The first time ever, that I felt so ditched out.

The first time ever, that I felt like washing myself out the drain.

I lost a rice cooker. I lost a friend ( which doesn't really matter.)

I lost faith in someone, who I thought were the one, that I can always count on.

I'm not blaming you for being hypocrite.

I'm not blaming you for treating me like shit.

I'm not blaming you for making my life difficult.

All the you(s) that were there for me, I feel blessed, and thankful for having you in my life. To make me stronger. To realized what am I here for.

You see me as a person that is weird.

You see me as someone that is full of her self.

You want to see me fall right on my face.

Thanks a lot. Again for making my life not so boring after all. Laughter, 2-faced smiles. My tears.

I bet you're happy.

Seeing me so pathetic.

Seeing me so negative.

Seeing me as a big head loser like this.

I can reach the for sky. or I can just stay and not to move a muscle. But I am not here to be moulded by you. No, no no. I will say whatever I want to say. I have beliefs. I'm holding on to a faith. A religion.

And as for this moment, I'm being tested. This is not the first time. The feeling is different. I can only wonder if you know what am I blabbing about.

Ramadhan. Ramadhan. As I'm fasting, please help me fast from having any feelings. I don't need them at the moment. Distract me from being so emotional. I was never like this. and nor I want to be one. Its taking too much of my time. My concentration.

My dignity.

"If I bake you an ice cream cake, would you taste it and give me a big loving smile...?"

Khutbah Rasulullah Menyambut Ramadhan

Wahai manusia, sungguh telah datang pada kalian bulan Allah dengan membawa berkah rahmat dan maghfirah. Bulan yang paling mulia di sisi Allah. Hari-harinya adalah hari-hari yang paling utama. Malam-malamnya adalah malam-malam yang paling utama. Jam demi jamnya adalah jam-jam yg paling utama. Inilah bulan ketika kamu diundang menjadi tetamu Allah dan dimuliakan oleh-Nya. Di bulan ini nafas-nafasmu menjadi tasbih, tidurmu ibadah, amal-amalmu diterima dan doa-doamu diijabah. Bermohonlah kepada Allah Rabbmu dengan niat yang tulus dan hati yang suci agar Allah membimbingmu untuk melakukan shiyam dan membaca Kitab-Nya. Celakalah orang yang tidak mendapat ampunan Allah di bulan yang agung ini. Kenanglah dengan rasa lapar dan hausmu, kelaparan dan kehausan di hari kiamat. Bersedekahlah kepada kaum fuqara dan masakin. Muliakanlah orang tuamu, sayangilah yang muda, sambungkanlah tali persaudaraanmu, jaga lidahmu, tahan pandanganmu dari apa yang tidak halal kamu memandangnya dan pendengaranmu dari apa yang tidak halal kamu mendengarnya. Kasihilah anak-anak yatim, niscaya dikasihi manusia anak-anak yatimmu. Bertaubatlah kepada Allah dari dosa-dosamu. Angkatlah tangan-tanganmu untuk berdoa pada waktu shalatmu karena itulah saat-saat yang paling utama ketika Allah Azza wa Jalla memandang hamba-hamba-Nya dengan penuh kasih; Dia menjawab mereka ketika mereka menyeru-Nya, menyambut mereka ketika mereka memanggil-Nya dan mengabulkan doa mereka ketika mereka berdoa kepada-Nya. Wahai manusia! Sesungguhnya diri-dirimu tergadai karena amal-amalmu, maka bebaskanlah dengan istighfar. Punggung-punggungmu berat karena beban (dosa)-mu, maka ringankanlah dengan memperpanjang sujudmu. Ketahuilah, Allah Tafala bersumpah dengan segala kebesaran-Nya bahwa Dia tidak akan mengadzab orang-orang yang shalat dan sujud, dan tidak akan mengancam mereka dengan neraka pada hari manusia berdiri di hadapan Rabbal-alamin. Wahai manusia, barangsiapa di antaramu memberi buka kepada orang-orang mukmin yang berpuasa di bulan ini, maka di sisi Allah nilainya sama dengan membebaskan seorang budak dan dia diberi ampunan atas dosa-dosa yang lalu. (Seorang sahabat bertanya, gYa Rasulullah, tidaklah kami semua mampu berbuat demikian.h Rasulullah meneruskan khotbahnya, gJagalah dirimu dari api neraka walau pun hanya dengan sebiji kurma. Jagalah dirimu dari api neraka walau pun hanya dengan seteguk air.h) Wahai manusia, siapa yang membaguskan akhlaknya di bulan ini, ia akan berhasil melewati Sirathal Mustaqim pada hari ketika kaki-kaki tergelincir. Siapa yang meringankan pekerjaan orang-orang yang dimiliki tangan kanannya (pegawai atau pembantu) di bulan ini, Allah akan meringankan pemeriksaan-Nya di hari kiamat. Barangsiapa menahan kejelekannya di bulan ini, Allah akan menahan murka-Nya pada hari ia berjumpa dengan-Nya. Barangsiapa memuliakan anak yatim di bulan ini, Allah akan memuliakanya pada hari ia berjumpa dengan-Nya. Barangsiapa menyambungkan tali persaudaraan (silaturahmi) di bulan ini, Allah akan menghubungkan dia dengan rahmat-Nya pada hari ia berjumpa dengan-Nya. Barangsiapa memutuskan kekeluargaan di bulan ini, Allah akan memutuskan rahmat-Nya pada hari ia berjumpa dengan-Nya. Barangsiapa melakukan shalat sunat di bulan ini, Allah akan menuliskan baginya kebebasan dari api neraka. Barangsiapa melakukan shalat fardu baginya ganjaran seperti melakukan 70 shalat fardu di bulan lain. Barangsiapa memperbanyak shalawat kepadaku di bulan ini, Allah akan memberatkan timbangannya pada hari ketika timbangan meringan. Barangsiapa di bulan ini membaca satu ayat Al-Quran, ganjarannya sama seperti mengkhatam Al-Quran pada bulan-bulan yang lain. Wahai manusia! Sesungguhnya pintu-pintu surga dibukakan bagimu, maka mintalah kepada Tuhanmu agar tidak pernah menutupkannya bagimu. Pintu-pintu neraka tertutup, maka mohonlah kepada Rabbmu untuk tidak akan pernah dibukakan bagimu. Setan-setan terbelenggu, maka mintalah agar ia tak lagi pernah menguasaimu. (Aku 'Ali bin Abi Thalib yang meriwayatkan hadits ini' berdiri dan berkata, gYa Rasulullah, apa amal yang paling utama di bulan ini?h Jawab Nabi, gYa Abal Hasan, amal yang paling utama di bulan ini adalah menjaga diri dari apa yang diharamkan Allahh.)

The imperfection.

I should be going to sleep by now. I can pass out even just to say another word. I did not slept for the past 2 days. At all.

Still, I hanvt finished 2 more compisition taht Kokubu sensei gave me last week. Yet, i got 3 more works today to send in by tomorrow.

Things are pressuring me very hard. Why cant I just blow up? just to release all this mental pain. I don't feel like telling anybody about it but my mom, as I prefer to write here. In this square-box of mine.
You can tell me everything that you want to say. But, nothing of that, things that I want to hear. I cant be move by words. Weather I'm just pure lazy or very-very hurt. I hate the fact that you are moulding me, my life, my thoughts. You're no god.

Or, shall I say, you. in fact, didn't do anything at all. I really appreciate you, trying to help me. Trying to show me that you cared. But it all seems so invisible to me, somehow. That it doesn't make any sense.

Skip this part of me if you're not ready for it. I'm not here to be what you want to see. Let me have my pace. and enjoying my space. If I'm not one of you, I guess I'm not that so perfect after all.
Let me disappear. To go back, to where i belong.
as I miss home so much.
that its hurting me. and
its carving my hard so violently.
as I cried, I'm hating myself for this insecurity.

I'm here to face the test. and this just another phase of it.

Give me Your guidance.. for me to pursue this little journey.

Kouhai. Juniors

I got this picture from my sensei in INTEC 2 weeks ago. They're going to be my junior here, starting next month i supposed. I had no idea who's who. No name were given to us. The part that i hate the most was all off them will be doing engineering, and they are ALL BOYS! I was hoping for a new shopping partner or something. A new girl that can join the usrah group. Someone NEW! Its fate that I have to face.
5 boys. Well, 4 of them will be living in ABK, but 1 very unlucky boy will have to move in to Yamabuki ( my dormitory). I hate living so far away from school. Train(40mins), or bicycle(20mins)? I have to think about that every single morning. Im been using the bicycle as it is faster than the train. But doing the "mountain biking", will get me into some trouble one day.
I wonder who will that unlucky boy be. Hahaha.

Jya mata. Sayonara.
Assalamualaikum.

Some Memoirs.

We had our Bon Odori 2 weeks ago. I had tons of fun. Thanks godness the other boys were'nt there. Super glad! That picture with Yamada-san, (our Japanese friend volunteer) was one great picture. We owe a lot to her. Arigatou!

Talking bout memoirs, i feel like posting up some pictures of my other nice memories with my friends. =)

This one was taken back when I was in Malaysia for the spring holiday. At Alia's vacation house in Port Dickson, we had tons of fun! With the pool, watching daffi on Af5, driving for ice cream and satay at night, the super dirty wheels ride (whatever they may call it). Gossiping.... =D

My ever so-lovable friends from Intec. Most of them are now studying in South Korea, doing engineering. They're this super happy go lucky people that would just make your day. I miss my McD! I think she cool. =D Not forgetting my roomates, Syifa, Izzati, and Tikah. I never thought that they would get along with me VERY WELL in such a VERY SHORT time! 2 of them are flying to Australia by next year i think. Good luck to them! and to Syifa' too! as she's doing medicine bound for... Ireland if im not mistaken. Thanks for all your support! You guys are well missed.

With my mom, my aunties, uncle and cousins. You guys are the best family that i can ever ask for! I was showered with supports, love, laughs, smiles. Thank you for everything! =))

and Hey! last but not least, my friends that went to KLIA to send me off. Even though they had classes on the same morning, they managed to come. Few of my bestfriends - Sza, Alia, Due, Darem, Daffi, Oazair, and Hafiz. Seriously, I was flattered. I miss you guys so much, and thanks for everything. To alia, thanks for the red scarf. Its very2 pretty! Sza, you know i love purple so much. everything u gave to me was purple. -_-" still, ARIGATOU!!

I guess thats the end of this episode of my memory lane. hehe. There is always someone to thank to all the time. We need each other to live. As we fight along the way, there's the fun and the journey of it. something to gain and to learn. People to meet and to love.

Jya mata ne. Sayonara. Assalamualaikum. =)

Twitter

Im on twitter now! my updates. MY TWITTER HERE.

Heroes Marathon

Im on the Heroes' last episode of its 1st season. I spent 2days long to finish this 23 episodes of tc shows. Urgh! When's the 2nd season coming??
I heard that the cast are doing a world tour right now. then, whens the 2nd season coming??!!
x_x 早く！！

Anyway, (not much of a spoiler..) but in the end, I couldnt really figure out who is the MAIN hero in this story. I gues that is why they called it heroES. Hiro Nakamura did killed Sylar with a samurai sword, but he got knocked off, then teleported himself back to the 17th centuries in Japan. Still, Hiro isnt the only hero as Peter's brother, Nathan, came to rescues him (Peter) by carying him up to the sky to be blasted off there. -_-"

And Claire was there too. I guess she did played a big part. Imagine if Sylar got her in the first place. Sylar would be perfectly immortal, which would unable Hiro Nakamura to save the world. (that would include Peter too as well.) I think that Sylar was some SERIOUS crazy maniac on the loose. How could you just cut someone's brain out using your fingers, just to get their brain (to get the super powers)?
Disgusting i supposed. But, really I would love to have Claire's power as she can mend herself in any situation, even after being dead. Cool.
Yah, Jessica/Niki did helped. She was great. I love her character very much! I was a hard one, dont you think? She had to act that as 2 different character at the same time.

Whoever that invented this story, was some man! With running imaginations, full of live, and hope. The amazing characters. The so ever telented actors. The special effects.. etc.
Everybody wants to be a superhero isnt it? This one series, did captured it.
I had fun.

Jya. Mata ne.
Assalamualaikum.

Suddenly

Lemme start with this. I had my interview practice just now. Which took me about 2 hours or so. One of the question that the teacher asked me was, "What do you usually writes about in your blog?" It made me wonder. If I had boyfriend, I would most probably be talking about how much i love spending time with him. How great and lovable he is. How I keeps on thinking about him 24/7 as what the normal "in-love" girl would do. But no. I dont have a boyfriend. Nor do I even want one. Or, If im a thinker or you know, a professional blogger. I would probably be writing about the government, the international economics status, or the latest world news. Which is very interesting, dont you think so? Well, since Im a normal girl, living in the heart of Tokyo, living my head off (alone n busy), I feel like writing about my thoughts on things that I saw. read. heard. and my feelings. I would really want to call this piece of writing as a preview to my blog for years to come. Let me start with this. Last night, there was a GREAT BIG TYPHOON (no.9) that hits Japan. To me, it was something amazing. and exciting. I went to the roof of my dormitory to face the strong wind. I cant see it. But I feel it. as if that im going to fly. It was such a strong force that had the trees to faced the earth. The violent sound did scared me. The prove of Allah's power, to show us humans that we can't really control everything thats coming. The knew the exact time when the typhoon is going to come. 9a.m in Tokyo, moving to north to ___ at 10p.m for example. They knew everything about it. But, as human. they cant stop it. Neither do us. The moral of the story? Its perfectly obvious. I just love the typhoon. (Hahaha) No lah, from what I i can say, its one of Allah's sign of his ever-great powers. Some places were badly hit by it, that caused big disasters. A test. Just a small one. Same goes with the flood crisis in North of Korea. No big deal i supposed. Its my point of view. As humans, we will be tested from time to time. As a reminder that we do not own the world, and this is not permanent. But, if your life is problem-free, you 'enjoy' 24/7, something is wrong then. For closings, I would just like to say that, i'll be having my club meeting tomorrow. Its 4:30 in the morning, and I am so dead meat if I didnt wake up by 8. Jya ne. Mata Sayonara. Assalamualaikum.