Saturday, September 08, 2012

My Space

Living in a place that's not yours at the age of 24 is just.... absurd.

 With no proper job, no income, and live like a leech in your parent's place... a big no. no. Now I know how exactly my friends have felt for the past years. I couldn't understand it before since I was living far away from home, funded by a full-scholarship (loan to be exact) and only recently finished my studies.

 I don't think my parents will read this anyway.

 I need my blog to be my own space to spare my thoughts once again. Even though it won't benefit you readers directly, it will give you some ideas of what I feel. What I'm going through. My ideas, comments and of course, complaints. ^^ハハ!自分のブログだからこそ、好きにしていいんじゃない? 

 Coming back for good after nearly 6 years, I had an idea that it'd be fun and exciting. But, I guess not. Not when you don't have money. LOL. I barely hangout with my friends no more since going out means money. Even a cup of teh tarik at the mamak is costly nowadays. I don't mind drinking plain water from the filter as long as it's cheap. It's obviously a healthier choice!

  Hanging out, catching up with friends meaning... that they'll ask questions. Oh, oh, oh... visiting the relatives for Eid was even worse!


    When are you getting married?
    Do you not have someone to get married to?
    Do you not even have a boyfriend?

oh, plus this one as well..

   When are you going to start working in Petronas?


   Congratulation for starting in Petronas!


   NO, I don't know.
   NO. Maybe not yet.
  I really have no idea.

  Since when I've started working, that some people have already congratulated me?

  Seriously, as much as you can ask me, "Do you not want to get married? Didn't you know it's a part of the deen???" so what do you want me to do? What can I do? Urgh. Please, stop asking questions that I can't even answer to myself. It's utterly frustrating.

  Every time I told my mom, I want to get my own place, she'll start the lecture on, "Why aren't you not married yet and now you want to live alone on your own? Again?!" and "When I was your age, I was married for 2 years and already had you," and "Even some of your friends are waiting for their 2nd child!" and came the golden question from my best friend, "You don't mind being the second wife right? I can try to get you one,"    errrr.. -_____-#


Gimme a space will you.

   I can't even afford to pay for my own phone bill every month that I feel like I don't own anything to be called a living person. I rather work at TESCO or any supermarket for a 5-ringgit per hour pay. But if I work for the money, I'm gonna break my bones off for money and die for money. Which is DEFINITELY not what I'm here for.

    Only time will tell. I will get things done one by one.

and get back to what is meant to be for me. insyaAllah. お願い!私のもとに戻ってき!



Fansurina Ramli said...

nadiah, yes, do it one by one.

i dont really know what you feel, because i am only reading this in front of my monitor, but it looks like you are 'mashing' everything up.

arrange your priorities, love. for eg, i'd put career in the first place and only then, building my very own family.

i know it's a pure peer/relatives pressure, but set it in your mind, focus on securing a job first. so when people around you ask when are you going to get married, tell them, 'saya tak kerja lagi, mana nak cari duit nak kahwin? nak sponsor saya tak?' they will eventually shut up.

about getting your own place, i would advise you to reconsider it. it has been 6 years you've been away, and soon we'll be a wife, and we know that parents would be our second priority after our husband, so why dont we cherish these moments?

i know how it feel, at age of 24, we want to be independent because we witness our friends being it, but hey, let it be.

find job first, (although you'll still have to 'loan' your parents money), get stable income then try paying your own bill (mobile phone, pocket money), and not to forget to give some to your parents, even they refuse but you HAVE to give them anyway. and then when you are financially ready to invest for your own place (rumah sangat mahal ok), might as well you find a man to be your husband to start your own family by 28 or 30 years old.

now strive for that, focus on that, i'm sure you wont bother what people say or how many wedding invitations you'll get. insyaallah.

take it easy, sister. i'll be by your side coz im in a similar situation. keep on praying, may force be with us. :)

Nadiah Azli said...

Salam Fan,

I don't know if you'll be reading this reply, but I definitely know I should be replying to you. Your words means a lot me. =)

I guess I need a life mentor.

Or, maybe just to have my future plans on a piece of mahjong paper, and lay them out using mind-maps. ^^"

Actually, my mom has been asking me to get a space on my own. The house is too small for an extra person anyway and I'm sharing beds with 3 of my little sisters. (no wonder the lice(kutu) is getting unbearable)

For the time being, (or has it been years now?) I'm using my own money for all the expenses needed. I never had to ask them for money, and I'm the one loaning them money from the business I've currently started. They're obviously can't wait for me to get a proper job and pay my 20 years worth of life debts so they can feed my other siblings. LOL.

I guess this is the peak of life changes that we're just have to cross to get to the other side. and having someone around to share it with you would made the journey worth it. =)

Gambaroune. ♥