Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Back to reality.

I can't stop crying after I left my family at the airport. My flight is at 11:30, yet at 11:15 I was still hanging around with them at the entrance. I know that I'm going to be the last one to enter, and the flight crew will be looking for me at any moment. If I follow whatever that my heart is telling me, I would just let the plane leave. Upset. My stomach has been in a bad mood all day long. I don't feel like packing, nor talking about leaving. I was never bothered to check my flight details. Its a week to Aidilfitr, and things couldn't get any worse. Everytime I do something, I'll go, "Tomorrow, at this hour, where will I be?",and "This would be my last solat jemaah at home..", "This is my last sahur with the whole family.." Everytime I take a picture, I'll tell my self, "Nadiah, take as much picture as you can. Savour the moment. You will never know if this is your last picture of them, or the next time you'll see them, they're not the same as you see them today." Its the price that I have to pay for leaving. Its the price that I have to pay to achieve my dreams. I'm missing out watching my little sisters and brothers grow up. Missing out on their laughs and cries. Its been 10hours since I've landed here in Japan. The tears keep on flowing. It doenst seems to dry. Its iftar in a few minutes. I know if I go back home now, and berbuka alone.. I'm going to go crazy. I'm at ABK. Pretending that I'm okay, while every word I say is actually stabbing me slowly. and every time I feel like talking, I will start to sob.

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