One Year of Self Realisation.

Another year has passed. 

Another list of things to be thankful for. Another list of people to reply. 

"Thank you for the wish xoxo"

Since I've moved to a new place recently, I was expecting another usual day at the office. "Please let there be no one who knows my birthday is today". Turns out, that was exactly what happened on my birthday. 

Just another day of ageing. 

My best friend who used to call me every year on my birthday didn't give me that call anymore. He didn't even text to wish me. Har. 

Deep inside, being a year older means so much more. 

"Stop being a cry-baby", not that I am, but that is what I feel.

Remember what I said about doing to others what you would expect others to do to you? That was I learned exactly a year ago. Life is all about giving. But one year gets me to a new discovery. One can never give if they do not posses anything to be given. 

In the end, I lost myself in giving. 

I became to dependent on giving so much, making "self-appreciation" is a feeling that I ignore the most.  

My own feelings. To learn to love, and appreciate thyself more. To love what thy do best. To love to take time to explore thy possibilities.

Life, is not all about me-my-self-and-I,but you-yourself-and-you is the only thing you own until forever. 

I took sometime to buy myself some Japanese home-food ingredients. It was a bit expensive here, but as soon as I made some, it brought me to a feeling that I was very used to. My-self. My own cooking. 

To be honest, I never learn how to cook before I took off to Japan. My first dish was a chicken curry that I had to read every line of how-to-steps at the back of the Adabi's 1kg packet in order to make one. I failed miserably. I created the infamous "Nadiah's Kari Sabun", because I accidentally poured a bottle of soap water that I was rinsing earlier when I was cleaning the kitchen into the curry pot. I was, clumsy. 

I decided that, I rather cook something familiar. 

That's when I started to learn Japanese home-food. It was very easy to do. I didn't have to menumis (which I am still learning until now). All I had to do was boil, steam, bake and sometimes stir-fry. I love tempura, but I rather have a tempura-party and eat with friends rather than making a one-person portion. 

I, cook for one.

For a-long 5 years and a half of staying in Japan, I stayed on my own (I won't forget how blessed I am with my batch-mates and senior's companion). As soon as I woke up, I'd cook some rice, take bath, and pray. My breakfast was a complete set of  raw egg on top of the hot rice, nattou (japanese style fermented soybeans), seaweed soup, and grilled salmon slice. That was, me. 

Whenever I got really hungry, I'd text my senior and told her how lovely it'd be to have steamed hot rice with raw egg and nattou. I'd get home and make one, asap.

Whenever I get lonely, I'll get someone to talk to me. Anyone, a stranger,a cat, and of course, God. 

Whenever I want something, I will get it. I no longer second-question myself of what I want. I highly believe that what I want is good for me. I hope I'm wiser enough to make the right decision. 

Whenever I want to feel good, I treat myself to a soul-searching journey. Go places. I might be going to the same place over and over again but I know I will feel much better after a a swim in the ocean with the corals and the fishes.

Now I realized that, I need that thing that gets me back to being me. Give my self a chance at what I love the most. I, have learned to say thank you to my self. Have you done that before?

This, is new to me. Well, I just turned 27. Life is a journey.

I need to learn me, love me before I expect anyone else to.