Saturday, July 25, 2009

My Oath.

Kuhadapkan mukaku, kepada yang menjadikan langit dan bumi, aku cenderung lagi berserah kepada Allah dan bukanlah aku dari golongan orang-orang yang menyekutukan Allah. Sesungguhnya sembahyangku, ibadatku, hidupku dan matiku kuserahkan hanya pada Allah tuhan seru sekelian alam. Sekali-kali tidaklah aku menyekutukanNya. Dan dengan demikian aku ditugaskan, dan aku adalah dari golongan orang-orang Muslim (Islam). -Doa Iftitah-
It's hard for me to breathe. Thinking about what will happen to me. What should I do? What should I do? "超ー困る!超ー困る!”と繰り返す口から出しちゃった。I never thought of being so scared of myself, of what I've become. It made me think about what is it that I am aiming for in life? What is it that am I scared of? What is it that I am facing? I wanted to go to overseas to study. Experience a new life, somewhere outside my 17-years-frame. I know what I wanted, what I needed, thus I worked for it, and I'm here (thousand miles away from home). Alhamdulillah (not that I've been wanting to leave so bad). But, is that just it? The End?......... No. Its the start of everything. Now I'm bounded. I have a duty to be worthy of what I am. I have to, do what I am supposed to do. Which is to study. YES, they support me, give me what I need for my studies. The stress of doing JUST that, almost killed me. I am a normal human being, always new to something, NEW. I need time to adjust things. To figure out the purpose in everything that I am doing. There must be a reason. Why I'm here, and why am I doing it. Why do I have to study so hard, and not happy with the result. Why do I have to take some sure-fail subject, and being scolded for failing. Why am I taking 12 subjects per semester, to get the minimum GPA of 2.7- which I know deep down inside it is not, 無理impossible. Yet, I am down on my knees, feeling guilty for everything that didn't work out. Being scared to death to things that I'm not ready of. Oh Allah, You taught me everything. Things that I am supposed to know. You gave me the chance to be here, to fulfil my dreams; but the idea of achieving the temporary doesn't tempt me anymore. and now I know where You're leading me to. I am. going to study my best for You. It's my ibadah to You. To give back to You. Its to You who I asked for; time of tears, and joy. My life is for You. だからお願い、give me strength for this. Let me get through it-無事に. お願い。お願い。 It's for sure that the outcome, will definitely benefits now, and here-after.
Apabila anda ditawarkan BIASISWA, Apakah tindakan anda? Katakan 'Alhamdulillah' Bacakan Al-Fatihah Lakukan Sujud Syukur Kekalkan Solat Sunat Dhuha Jadilah Hamba Allah Yang Sentiasa Bersyukur. -Siri Motivasi Solat/ Ustazah Hafsah-
#a hand book that I've been reading since PMR. I don't know where its from since I don't have the cover page with me anymore. もうすごいボロボロだ!
Sesungguhnya sembahyangku, ibadatku, hidupku dan matiku kuserahkan hanya pada Allah tuhan seru sekelian alam.