My Space

Living in a place that's not yours at the age of 24 is just.... absurd.

 With no proper job, no income, and live like a leech in your parent's place... a big no. no. Now I know how exactly my friends have felt for the past years. I couldn't understand it before since I was living far away from home, funded by a full-scholarship (loan to be exact) and only recently finished my studies.


 I don't think my parents will read this anyway.


 I need my blog to be my own space to spare my thoughts once again. Even though it won't benefit you readers directly, it will give you some ideas of what I feel. What I'm going through. My ideas, comments and of course, complaints. ^^ハハ！自分のブログだからこそ、好きにしていいんじゃない？ 


 Coming back for good after nearly 6 years, I had an idea that it'd be fun and exciting. But, I guess not. Not when you don't have money. LOL. I barely hangout with my friends no more since going out means money. Even a cup of teh tarik at the mamak is costly nowadays. I don't mind drinking plain water from the filter as long as it's cheap. It's obviously a healthier choice!

  Hanging out, catching up with friends meaning... that they'll ask questions. Oh, oh, oh... visiting the relatives for Eid was even worse!

Questions;


    When are you getting married?
    Do you not have someone to get married to?
    Do you not even have a boyfriend?

oh, plus this one as well..

   When are you going to start working in Petronas?

and..

   Congratulation for starting in Petronas!

Answers

   NO, I don't know.
   NO. Maybe not yet.
   NO.
and
  I really have no idea.

  Since when I've started working, that some people have already congratulated me?

  Seriously, as much as you can ask me, "Do you not want to get married? Didn't you know it's a part of the deen???" so what do you want me to do? What can I do? Urgh. Please, stop asking questions that I can't even answer to myself. It's utterly frustrating.

  Every time I told my mom, I want to get my own place, she'll start the lecture on, "Why aren't you not married yet and now you want to live alone on your own? Again?!" and "When I was your age, I was married for 2 years and already had you," and "Even some of your friends are waiting for their 2nd child!" and came the golden question from my best friend, "You don't mind being the second wife right? I can try to get you one,"    errrr.. -_____-#


    Oh-my-goodness.

Gimme a space will you.

   I can't even afford to pay for my own phone bill every month that I feel like I don't own anything to be called a living person. I rather work at TESCO or any supermarket for a 5-ringgit per hour pay. But if I work for the money, I'm gonna break my bones off for money and die for money. Which is DEFINITELY not what I'm here for.

    Only time will tell. I will get things done one by one.

and get back to what is meant to be for me. insyaAllah. お願い！私のもとに戻ってき！

 부탁해!!

17 Ramadhan

I think I woke up too early for qiam.

All I want to do is to go back to sleep. 

- tak selesa, 

- mandi

- solat dhuha

- nak tidur atas cadar bersih yang baru sbb dah mandi

- so, have to tukar cadar,

-Tapi kena cuci kipas before tukar cadar.

-before cuci kipas, kena clear kan lantai

- perlu simpan baju, bersihkan lapik kaki, 

-Tapi dalam mesin ada baju lain,

-so kena sidai kain,

- nak sidai kain kena bersihkan luar Sbb banyak habuk.

So ended up, 

-sapu kat luar, ketuk lapik kaki,

- sidai baju, cuci lapik kaki,

- bersihkan kipas, vacuum bilik,  bersihkan langsir, kemas bilik, lap lantai, 

- pasang cadar baru, 

Sedar2 dah Zohor T-T

And I'm so sleepy macam zombie.

The thing that kept me going on was, as cliche as it may sound...

Hari ni Hari Perang Badar. 

If you wanna sleep, work for it. 

*pengsan*

#this is a *complaining post. It doesn't look like a blog post anyway. XD

Pain

I must not succumb to...
my sickness.

First day of Ramadhan, I couldn't wake up for Sahur. Arrived from Miri at nearly 2am that morning, I guess I'm just experiencing the lack of sleep I've been having after 5 days of ProjekKalsom. I was wrong, I couldn't wake up at all.

All my sujud that I made feels like torture. My head is beaming with pain, and my body keeps on getting shocks as if someone had kicked me. 

I still went to the Masjid to pray tarawih. First 2 rakaat... then rest for a while, and read the quran. Continue with another 2 rakaat, and rest, until I completed 8, and end it with Witr together with the imam. Thank Allah Masjid Wilayah have 21 rakaats, so I can take my own sweet time. Did you know that the word Taraweeh is the plural of the word Tarweeha which literally means 'to rest'. So, yeah, I was literally, 'bersenang-senang'.


Only after 2 days of head-pain, and continuous coughing I decided to go to the hospital. I was surprised when the doctor said I should have come in earlier. She said I am having a high-fever, and my body temperature on the 3rd day is nearly 39 deg. It must have been higher on the first 2 days, near to 40 and 41 which is dangerous. No wonder I couldn't really sleep the day before since my body was really aching all over. 


As much as I want to get up and do something, my legs aren't able to withstand long enough and my headache gets worst. Food becomes tasteless and having them down my throat is simply unbearable.  All I can do everyday now is read the quran, facebook-ing, and youtube-ing on the couch. Completely useless, and helpless. 


The reason I'm writing this post is not to tell you how sick I am right now.  But to tell you that my heart aches more than this pain my body is experiencing.

I received a text from a friend, telling me that my best friend's mom is in the ICU.
"They'll pull the plug in the morning. Doa banyak2 jom"


If I hadn't been facebooking, and youtubing, I might have been in extreme shock.  But instead, I said my prayers, and if it's time for her to leave, then may Allah take her in a good way.


Reality 

I see dead people everyday, every time I check the news on Syria, women and children brutally murdered. Massacre of Rohingyas in Myanmar. Helpless Palestinians. Ethiopians and Somalis in extreme hunger. 

"Even Myanmar's so-called democracy icon Aung San Suu Kyi has kept quiet on the atrocities committed against the Rohingya Muslims"

Why? Because my brothers and sisters are Muslims. Even though they're not people I personally know in my life, but my heart is with them, and it's hurting really bad.


My feeling just cannot deal with it. It's too complicated. I cry like a baby. Every time I see the news.  It's just too painful for me to see, and I cannot stop it from happening. Yes, everyone will eventually face death and when there's just too much of it, one will start questioning the real purpose of life. 

Life is too fragile, and what you fight for, determines who you are. 


All living soul will die. It just in a matter of time, and event. 




Reality Check
 
I'd put myself in your shoes my friend. I've cried as if I lost mine. The pain of losing one's mother is really hard to imagine, but I never fail to think of what I'd do 

"when my mom passed away"
 
I'd be glad I had the chance to say my goodbye and ask for forgiveness from you before you left. 


I'd be crying hard tonight reminiscing our good times together, and how I can't hear your voice anymore calling my name when you needed me. 

I'd be the best daughter that you prayed for so that I can pray for your well-being in the here-after. I am, your treasure that you've left behind so I can be useful for you.


I'd make your life worth it, because you had me.






To my dearest Hamizah Omar, 


I'm sorry I can't be there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on. I'm sorry I never had the chance to pay her a visit.

You should cry your heart out, and let it go. Let her go in peace. I know she must be proud of you.
I hope you'd told her how much you love her. Pray for her. Pray that Allah forgives her. Only the prayer of a pious child will be brought to her. InsyaAllah she'll be fine.

I will remember her in my prayers. She was a really kind person, never fails to ajak I makan everytime I'm at your place.


I love you Hamizah Omar. Please take care of yourself.


Love,
Nadiah.

Seoul, Korea

Assalamualaikum, *^_^*

teaser la dulu konon-konon.
I don't even know how to rotate the pictures, let alone edit them. >_<"

What I capture, is what you get.