Andai esok ialah harinya.

[Draft post entah zaman bila punya >_<]

Tergesa-gesa saya bangun dari tidur.

Subuh yang semakin awal, sedar tak sedar baru jam 4 pagi sudah subuh gajah.

Entah bagaimana bisa terlena di atas lantai, sejuk - tak beralas, tak berbantal.

Belakang pinggang terus menerus berdenyut, marah tak di sapu minyak malam semalam. Mata yang kuyu masih menginginkan tidur yang selesa, ingin berselimut dari dingin pagi yang tak terkata.

Namun, hari ini ialah harinya.
Kertas nota yang tak bersentuh di atas meja, masih menunggu masa
ditelaah untuk peperiksaan jam dua.
Masih awal lagi, hati kecil ini berkata.
Tidur itu adalah nikmat yang terhebat, kalah segala macam tarikan
keinginan. Perut yang lapar, berkeroncong, menangis pun tak apa - esok pun boleh
diisi. Yang pasti, tidur dulu.
Terus, nota-nota ekonomi yang berselerakan itu, sepi - tak terusik.


Namun, hari ini adalah harinya.
Hari penilaian ini akan tiba juga. Akal mencari segalamacam alasan untuk mengelak hari yang tak tertunggu. Hari yang sangat panas membakar tak menarik perhatian seorang hamba
yang terlalu sibuk memikirkan saat tibanya waktu dinilaikan.
Cukup sudahkah nota- nota itu dihafal?difahami? Lalu di ajarkan pada
yang lain? Atau nota itu sekadar nota yg menjadi kertas tak bernilai.
Jam 11 : Terkumat kamit mulut membaca doa penerang hati, doa segala macam doa
yang boleh diucapi dalam perjalanan ke sekolah.


Tangan sudah tidak bisa mencapai kertas-kertas dari tas tangan.
Sekarang bukan masanya untuk menelaah.
Peluh menitik-nitik, terasa basah satu badan.

bersambung..

Française.

無事に（そうなの？）終わりましたー 確かにしあまりにもできなくて、めっちゃ悔しいでございます。。ｍ（－。－）”ｍ　何でかというと。

話せますけど、書けません！！

マジで。 書き方がわからない。スペリンッグもむっちゃくっちゃだった。 死んじゃう。 As most of us know that french writing does not make much sense with the sound. What is written, and what is being said, is... a different thing. That is one. The other is that..

They have different ways of spelling the same verb, but the pronounciation is the same.

and Ms. nadiah here, is 超苦手(really bad) at writing them words. Thus, she hates those classes that writes a lot. So picked a class called, "Communication Française III" (dengan harapan hebat akan banyak cakap dari tulis). Well, she was wrong. Most Japanese can write, but not speak the language. It really makes a lot of difference when I could not catch what they were saying in class, and while they are majoring in FRENCH! Thus, Mme. Catherine decided to give us an end-semester exam. Which is WRITING, and WRITING and MORE WRITING.

"I can speak, but not write!"

Why? Because I have no idea how the words are spelled most of the times. Why? Because I learn the language by listening. To their conversation. To their musics. To their radios. Adehh. 寝不足かなぁ・・？Salah sendiri gak eh? Nak belajar, biar belajar betul-betul. Faham semua. Tahu semua. Kan? Kan? Allah nak tunjuk supaya study tu biar sempurna. Jangan huru-hara last minute. (yeke?^-^") UkuranNya ada pada usaha. So, dah terang-terang ek kalau usaha kita pun tak 120%? (seperti kata ito-san yang menyuruh pelajar petronas study untuk straight A's - study kena 120%!)

Kenapa la lagi tak semangat kalau ito-san yang suruh.. >_<"

Ya Allah. Tolong---!! I love my studies. I love française.

When hope is always around.

This is a picture taken from my programming class's student portal. The first zero means completed. Well, I haven't completed any of them. To be specific, none of my report have been graded yet for the past semester. Awesome!  Second, is the number 5. I've sent ONLY 5 reports so far. No wonder he's not bothered to grade any of them because..... I have 53 more reports to go by the end of next week  My dear family and friends, this is only a 2 credit class. I have 11 class this semester all together, and I am looking forward for my French communication III exam at the end of the month. Alhamdulillah, I am still sane and believe that things will go perfectly well by the time I'm ready for home this summer holiday. I already bought the tickets for 100,000yen - from 3rd august until 21 sept and yes, they're very expensive. But Iman said it's a process of "penyucian harta". Uh-huh, a person that bought a cheaper ticket can say that (ToT)/~~~ Maybe it's true. I really AM not bothered about money for the past months even though I'm way passed bankruptcy. I buy things that I need, and go where I have to go, regardless of the balance I have in mizuho( the name of a bank in Tokyo). I just know that things will be alright. Money is everywhere. Boleh dicari. If Allah has decided that the money is mine, then it will be mine. This is my voice when I am happy. Today, I am very happy indeed. I have no idea why, but this is the day I start to memorize the Surah Al- Mulk. No doubt that it is quite long for an amateur like me to be able to do 'em, but I'm fairly positive about it. I found it easy if I'm in the process of memorizing the book of God, and then trying to understand and memorize things that I have to learn at school. (I mean, university--) Verily, it is Him who holds the key to our heart. He can make things the way He wants it to be, and yes.. we have to ask for it! Nothing is impossible with Allah. Impossible. I'm possible. Nadiah Azli

Programming

-Assalamualaikum- Pertama kalinya saya menitiskan air mata dalam kelas komputer. Sebak tak terkata. Kenapa? Sebab saya tak dapat faham apa yang perlu saya buat dalam kelas itu. Sudah masuk kelas yang ke-5 dan 8 assignment yang telah diberi masih tidak terhantar walau satu pun. Saya sungguh menggemari dengan penuh semangat subjek programming ini. Saya hanya memerlukan sedikit tunjuk ajar masa yang cukup untuk melakukannya sendiri. Sensei hanya berdiri di depan, berpeluk tubuh memegang mikrofon sepanjang kelas. Tidak satu ketika pun dia berhenti mahupun untuk duduk, dan mungkin juga untuk bernafas. Setiap kali kelas berakhir, saya akan pergi bertanyakan seribu satu soalan padanya. Namun, dengan masa rehat antara waktu kelas yang terlalu sangat bangat pendek (5minit), pelajar-pelajar untuk pengajian yang seterusnya sudah memenuhi kelas. Dengan berat hati dan serabut saya meninggalkan kelas dan kitaran ini berlaku setiap minggu. "Sensei, saya tak faham lansung ni," "Awak buat ikut buku teks tu. Lepas itu buat itu, buat ini, buat kasi terbang, lompat-lompat, pusing-pusing, kira sana, kira sini, senang je!" "Dari mana nak mula tu Sensei? Saya perlukan orang untuk ajar saya. Saya tak dapat nak hadam buku teks tu, dan kelas Sensei terlalu sekejap tapi banyak assignment." "Tu la kan. Nak buat macam mana, saya mintak maaf la ya," Terus Sensei itu berlalu melarikan diri dari kelas yang sudah dipenuhi orang.. #Ya Tuhan, dimanakah salahku kali ini? Berilah petunjuk supaya ia dapat dibaikpulih.

Its that time again.

Lately, I've been feeling nausea at night. I can't sleep, I can't do my work, my reading, my studies. Even at school I feel insecure, and lonely. What is wrong with me?

It this what you call stress?

I really don't need this stress right now. I just want to get my papers over with, and that's it. The next holiday is coming, and I'm excited as ever. But my backpain is killing me at same time, and I still have to move out from the house.

Gimme more headaches!

❤おまけです～❤ How to get an A grade final exam ? By Muhammad Alshareef

You may know someone who is studying for final exams these days. Final exams are always a nice time to focus on the true exam of life. 1. In school, you can often redo your exam if you fail. In the hereafter, if one fails there is no going back. 2. In school, you often do not know what questions will be asked. In the hereafter, there are only 3 questions: Who is your Lord? What is your Deen? And who is this man who was sent to you? But the answers are answers you live by. 3. In school, we stay up at night to cram for the exam the next day. So too in Allah's exam, we should be staying up in night prayers. 4. In school, we work and pray and hope for an outstanding mark. So too should be our attitude towards Allah's exam. 5. In school, when we get a great mark, we erupt with happiness. So too will the believers erupt in happiness when they get their books in their right hands. Work for it. 6. In school, when we get a bad mark, sadness can be seen on our faces, and we dislike to face others. So too in the hereafter. Protect yourself from that. 7. During a school exam, you cannot ask anyone for help. In the hereafter, you can prepare from now to get assistance from Allah's Messenger, the Quran, and other ways of intercession. 8. In school, when exam time draws near, we banish distractions to focus on what is really important. In Allah's exam, isn't death within 1 heart beat? Banish distractions and focus. 9. In school, until exam results come out, we worry about the result. In Allah's exam, we don't know what our result will be, so we spend our days in hope and worry until the results come out. What do you think? Do you have other reflections on exams?

Bila Nadiah belajar.

Seperti Membaca Peta Negeri Siam.

Sudah lambat lagi sesat. Oh apakah nasib badan..(+。+)

Setiap dua minit periksa telefon bimbit mencari jalan terpantas ke MeijiGakuin.

Nak buat macam mana ni, kalau dah sampai stesen pun, tak tau nak kemana dari mana. Dekat ke? Jauh ke? Nak jalan, atau naik bas saja? taktahuuu...!!

Menelaah peta lama-lama pun tidak ada gunanya. Tak membantu lansung. 無意味な地図！マジで.

Lagi 5 minit sebelum jam 9 pagi. Peperiksaan mula pukul 9.

Teksi〜!!Teksi〜!!^o^

chop.

Tengok duit dulu ada ke tidak. Tak pasal nanti kena buat baito ganti pakcik teksi pulak.

duit ada..ada...1sen, 2sen.. cukup.

"Ke Meiji Gakuin..ini petanya, tempat yang nak pergi ambil periksa. Saya dah lambat ni pakcik. Tengok-tengok la peta tu ye, tak reti pulak saya nak menerangkannye".

"Ini peta negeri mana ni dik?",suara pening pakcik teksi mula merisaukan si budak yang sudah lambat dan gemuruh sungguh nak pergi exam ni.

"Tak tau la saya pakcik. Itu slip peperiksaan tu. Misti betul punya," serabut saya menjawab.

"Ini macam peta Aomori-shi ni adik oi〜! Kat Aomori-ken sana nuuu..."

"Apekah---AOMORII?! sampai kiamat la tak faham-faham peta tu kalau saya tengok sendiri.(ToT)."

Mid Term Test

This is the first class to have the mid-year test. I have no idea how good or bad will I do this time since I was so busy doing other unimportant things. x_x

Its the English propaganda class where we have to learn different words and terms that are used in business and politics advertisement. -They're pretty hard to memorize,but I found it rather interesting-minus the excessive information on America.

By the way,Petronas has been worried about how our studies are going. I don't think getting a 4 flat or a Dean's List is impossible, but even getting a 3 pointer is VERY HARD enough. This is Japan, excuse me.

Everything is in Japanese. I will say that I still-am having problem with the language; that is use by the teachers and the text book.

I heard a saying, "Our hard work and effort matters the most rather than the result". Is that really so?

What about, "No matter how hard you work, if the result is bad, then there's still no point of doing whatever that you're doing".

Ah, I totally disagree with the later.

What ever it is, I want to make it through. All this test and exams are made to make me stronger I suppose. Not only in studies, but in life as well.

*written from phone@F棟の２階！

Are we really that unuseful?

Im in a middle of my first period, Monday class; where the sensei is talking about life after University. What would one want to be? Knowing that its hard to survive in the living games nowadays.

-Even if you have graduated, they industry may don't need you at all.

-Young people have no experience,　thus this makes them 'unwanted'.

(He has been talking for the past one hour. Too much input to be written..)

知識をインポットしなきゃ！

Im having berbelas2 kelas in one semester. Great. Just great.

Let School Begin!

I've managed to finish my schedule. (At last~!) Unfortunately, I can't take French as my 3rd language since I had to take Human Communication instead. Taking French will cost me 4 extra credit to graduate. Meaning, instead of 134 credits, I will need to have about 140 credits to graduate. (That is if, I'm taking French). For your information, I can only take up to 44 credits a year. Since I got XX for 3 subjects last year, I had to repeat them back this year. Which will be added back to this year's 44 credits. Compared to last year, I'm taking more economics subjects that are pretty hard to digest. In one year, we have 2 semesters. 前期zenki and 後期kouki. In the first semester I'm taking 14 subject, so does the later, which means, I have 28 subjects to pass (AAもらえるように願ってます～！）with flying colours. I know I can't get 4 flats anymore for my last year's stupid mistakes, but I know I need to work hard to reclaim my dream. I've learned a lot for the past one year in Japan's university. You will make it if you know you can make it. It's all in your head. Your mind controls your body. If you have decided that its impossible, it will forever be impossible. Do what YOU want. That's what I did. Experience. I joined too many clubs last year. I guess it was a good thing though (rather saying that I wasn't being committed to the society), trying out different things teaches me a lot of priceless memories. - Model United Nation, where I represented the Iranian Embassy. - Mountain(Rock) Climbing, where I climbed walls after walls, indoors and outdoors. I decided to quit since I was force to spend a night camping with 4 men(instead of boys, since they are very men-looking) - Karate-Taekwando Club, learned a lot of new moves. They were very cool to me, and I really liked their practice; friendly, yet very tough and strict- except the part that I had to practice with the boys. I couldn't continue since I had to joined another club; study group. -Secret Clubs. There are few of this secret club that I joined. That cost me most of my time..何だろうね。。しっかりしてよ！ Alhamdulillah, this year is very different compared to lasts. I'm a happier person, that says hi to everyone that I know. Which makes people wonder, who is that girl wearing the hjab?? Why does she looks very cheerful? I guess since I'm having morning classing(that starts at 9a.m) everyday now, I am more prepared before school. I did not have 1st period class the whole of last year. Plus, I am living with someone(Miss Izyan from Meiji University), and my new house is AWESOME! Its VERY near to the Machida train station, yet we can't hear any train noises at all! My window is facing a stream, and the sound calms whoever that's leaving nearby. -Thats it from me now. I have to leave for my 4th period.(2gen and 3gen, freeeeでした...)

Your god, my God.

One drop of tears fell off.. One by one. I know that it’s just a class, but my tears fell off own its own. I have no control over it anymore. “I miss my God. I love my God.” “Rindu.. sayang..” “Ya Allah..Ya Allah.. “ “I miss the prophet, the beloved Rasulullah s.a.w..” “Subhanallah.. Subhanallah..” Tears runs slowly down.. I let them be, let them run. “Astaghfirullah hal azim..” I realized that your idea of god and my God is not the same. How could you? How could you? It’s God Almighty that creates the heaven and earth, and everything between it. The Most Powerful, The Greatest Power of All.. That creates us, the human. “Created men out of a (mere) clot of congealed blood” He is, “Lord and Cherisher of Mankind” “The Ruler of Mankind,” “The God of Mankind,” We are just human, that live life like human do. We are NOTHING compared to Him. But still, Allah is The Most Merciful, Most Gracious, Most Kind. “He begets not, nor is He begotten” (Dia tidak beranak dan tidak pula diperanakkan) How could you say that god turn himself into a human to save mankind? How could you say that god made all humans to be evil, and trade himself to sacrifice for their sin? And thus, he is a Father, a Son, and a Holy Spirit? It doesn’t make sense. Not any of them! Tak faham~! I’m not convinced. God knows everything that you don’t. What makes you so confident? Yes, now I know better about you Your god, which was never mine. But somehow, it felt so lonely. The conversation always ends with no ending. Situations, human errors, and more human problems. I don’t see no resolution. I don’t feel no resolution. Still, it’s lonely. Why not talk about His creations instead. The Creator, Subhanallah It’s rather calming. You can feel it, right there in your heart. The moon, and the sky, the trees and animals, they are always in order, just the way that they are supposed to be. The night will come when the day ends. And the cycle continues on His demand. Only Allah who we should submit to. There’s no god but Allah. I’l n’ya deux que Deux. And Muhammad s.a.w is the messenger of Allah. Let this love be for eternity, for the One and Only. “Ya Allah..” And the tears keep on falling..

Ask, Ask and keep on Asking!

These Japanese kids, when they talk, I'd rather shut up and listen. Why? Cuz, I have no single idea what they're talking about. "190km/h talking speed.." "slang from out of space.." "words that I have no idea what.." "tonnes of names of artist, famous sport player, news reader...bla bla bla" "last night's tv drama.." making excuse, "I'm learning Japanese while listening.." making excuse, "I don't have a TV, no idea what's on.." But then, I wont be communicating with them if I just sit and listen. So how? Came this Taiwan girl, a foreign student just like me, its just that she looks like a pure japanese and speaks REAL japanese. (shinkan speed as she used to live in Japan before) and she said to me, Don't be afraid to ask! Don't be shy to make mistakes! you are a Gaijin. it doesnt matter. they cant expect you to know everything right? if not, you would'nt know what you didnt know. (kamu tak tahu pun apa yang kamu tak tahu) even if you have to pretend like you know it. or else, just ask! "what drama?" "on what channel?" "what isit about?" (yeah, you'll feel like you're annoying them..rather than to just sit and listen) that's when YOU can do the talk. and even CONTROL the flow or the talk. nice~